Sometimes it rains on your wedding day - that would be nothing.

One of the many ways the COVID 19 virus has disrupted life has been disrupting wedding plans. Here’s my story.

Simon and I met in February last year - having found each other on a Christian dating site, and started talking, we found that we just clicked. After getting engaged in December, we had taken some time before setting the date for our wedding - because we wanted to make sure we were prepared relationally before jumping in to the rush of wedding planning.

In a culture where weddings are increasingly expensive and centred around fulfilling the bride’s dreams and desires, I had always wanted to have a wedding that stood out for a different reason.
To me, a wedding should not be about making the bride look good, or showing off her family’s wealth or hospitality. The wedding is a celebration of two becoming one. Hospitality is an important part of it, but only to aid this celebration.Marriage is sacred to us as Christians, because in marriage, we remember a picture of something much greater- the joining of ourselves, the church, to Jesus Christ. As far as fancy things like decorations, flowers, and a pretty dress, these to me are only extras. These extras are nice, don’t get me wrong. I do particularly love flowers and dancing, but the more you focus on these things, the more you have to focus on, and the more you can seem to let go of what is really important- you’re getting married. You’re vowing your life to another person- creating what should be the strongest bond that can be created between humans.

Finally, in late February, we talked to our parents and decided to set the wedding date for July. I was so excited, but so nervous. In the weeks that followed, especially as I started my final year of studies, I began to feel more and more pressure, I couldn't focus in class because thoughts of all the decisions I had yet to make for the wedding pressed in around me from every side. What colours would my bridesmaids wear? I allowed them to choose their own colours, but then worried about whether they would look good together. What would we do for the food? Simon wanted his groomsmen in coloured waistcoats. How would these not clash with my bridesmaids?

In the background of these worries, I watched through the TV screen as an outbreak of disease began, far away, in China. This was the fourth epidemic I had watched through a TV screen in my lifetime. SARS had affected me because it had meant my dad got to stay home and play with me for several days after returning from a trip to China. Swine flu made it here, when I was 11, it hadn't become widespread, and hadn't even scared me. The Ebola outbreak in my early years of high school had been terrible because many of those affected had such limited resources, but again, I had watched through a screen, cried, prayed. I had always cared about the people I knew were suffering, but I had learned in my life that if I allowed myself to become weighed down with other's sorrow all the time, I would never do anything else, so a protective emotional disconnect remained in place. The idea that this new outbreak might become a problem for us here was unimaginable.

Then one day, less than two weeks ago, it became apparent that it would affect us. Simon asked me how I would feel if we had to have a small ceremony with just our friends who lived locally. Suddenly realised the truth - I would feel relieved if that were the case. Instead of doing all the things you 'have' to do for a wedding, we would actually end up simply celebrating the beginning of our married life. Since we began planning the wedding, I had been operating with inclusivity as a priority. I would rather invite all those friends and family who had been part of our lives, and spend $5 feeding each, than regret that a friend couldn't join because I couldn't afford their crayfish dinner. However, operating on this basis meant that we were looking at inviting around 150 people, and this had silently been adding to the weight on my shoulders. We called family and let them know of this possibility. Understandably, some would not be happy if they were unable to be at the wedding due to travel restrictions. We also heard of bans of large gatherings in other countries, and realised there was a possibility that we wouldn't be able to have much of a gathering at all, so we resolved that plan B would be to satisfy the legal side with whatever number of people we were legally allowed, and then to hold a renewal of vows and reception later. I do remember saying to Simon. "But what if they put us into lockdown like they have in Spain? Where only one person is allowed out to get groceries?" "I don't think that will happen in New Zealand" he said.

Well, now New Zealand is in lockdown. If the current restrictions remain in place on the date we planned, we will not legally be able to get married. Even if we had a marriage license, we are not allowed to ask an officiant to come to marry us. Simon's parents would not be allowed to travel to see us get married. Even my gran who lives a 5 minute walk away would not be allowed. At the moment, I have no clue what will become of our wedding plans. It seems unthinkable that the current level of alert and restrictions would stay in place this long, but it seemed unthinkable that it would happen at all just two weeks ago. I let all of this worry and grieve me for a day, but then I stopped.

I realised that I was grieving over a plan, which I had put a lot of energy into, but which had become adverse to the values I originally thought I had about a wedding. I had originally wanted our wedding to focus on celebrating our union, and the union of Christ with the Church. So quickly, I had gotten tied up in worrying about the very details I didn't value.

I actually feel relieved now. I am not currently doing any work at all toward the wedding, because I don't know what is going to happen, and I know that whatever does happen, I'm getting married, and that is the most important part. 

National Lockdown = T-38 hours

Yesterday, New Zealand’s Prime Minister announced that the country would, at midnight on Wednesday, go into ‘alert level 4’ a total lockdown of all non-essential business, schools, and childcare facilities. The lockdown will last at least 4 weeks. I don’t know if anyone was surprised. We had all been expecting this, since we’d known on Saturday that the government was investigating two cases of community transmission of COVID-19, and that if they turned out to in fact, have been transmitted by the community, this step would inevitably follow. Still, after Simon read me the news, I did start to feel a need to prepare.

We were half way through a Star Trek episode, which he wanted to finish. However, I didn’t want to sit down and pretend like nothing was happening. I wanted to be doing something to help myself - to help my family, to get things and prepare for what was ahead. Knowing that shops were still open, and that in less than three days time, I would no longer have access to them, and knowing that I still needed some winter clothes, I started to feel antsy. Not anxious, not really, just a desire to feel like I was doing something about my situation, and a feeling of annoyance that Simon seemed to be trying to ignore it. “What do you need?” Simon asked. “Pants?” You don’t have to go anywhere for 4 weeks, you can just wear pyjama pants.” No. No, I couldn’t. I needed to get up and get dressed and do work in those 4 weeks. I needed to keep myself in routine for my own health. I needed pants.

 So as soon as my mum got home with the car, we did go out shopping. Simon looked at google and saw that The Warehouse, my destination for the pants that I needed, was twice as busy as usual, so we decided to go to another location first - a hardware shop. We have been meaning to build a hutch for our rabbit Jasper- who is currently living in my room. Now we were going to have 4 weeks at home together.* Now was the time to do it. The shop was busy, but not even pre-christmas busy. I laughed out loud when I saw the seeds rack - all the plants that could be grown for consumption this season were sold out. No worries, we have a pretty well equipped garden at home, and I had already started my salad garden. While we were searching the ailes, we heard a staff member remarking to another that somebody had stollen their hand santitizer from their desk. There was a pretty big line by the time we got in line, but by the time we had been served, there was no-one behind us. The panic was over?

The Warehouse had calmed down by the time we got there. My mum had text me with some orders for the family. Glad I had gone out. We called my dad and checked for orders. None. Okay. We saw the stacks of easter chocolate and checked our phones, only two weeks until Easter. No church in New Zealand would have an Easter service - at least not an in person one. This really was a thing that had never happened before.

As Simon and I got back in the car, I said “That was actually fun.”
“It was” Simon said.
 “We panic shopped.”
“We panic shopped, slowly, and carefully.”
“It’s not really panic shopping then is it, it’s really just shopping.”
“You know, I’m looking forward to spending four weeks at home with you.*”
“Me too.” “It’s going to be an adventure.”

*In case you’re wondering, Simon and I do not usually live together. He happened to be on his day off, and round at my place when we heard the news. He made the decision to let his flatmate feed his cat, and move in to the caravan outside my parents’ place for the lockdown period, as this was a way we could safely see each other during this time. As Christians, we practice celibacy before marriage. More on what marriage means to us later- I’m sure.

Introductions

Hi,
My name is Michaela O’Neill.
I live in New Zealand, I’m 22 years old, I’m engaged to Simon Hulse, and I am getting married on the 18th of July - I hope.

Last week, I thought that planning a wedding was stressful. There seemed to be so much to do, and I was late to do all of it. On top of that, I was a Theology student, sister to a 12 year old and 13 year old sisters, (And a 20 year old brother, but he doesn’t need me so much) and, okay, I will use this term, ‘pet- mummy’ to three cheeky rabbits and two cats. Well, now planning my wedding feels like the least of my concerns.

In the days since the reality that this crisis was inevitably going to impact New Zealand, my life, and my wedding planning, in a big way, hit, I have found myself looking on the internet to see how others are going through the same experience. I feel that in sharing the experience, I feel less alone. I have created this blog to share my experiences. It is called “Not so secret thoughts of a pandemic bride to be” but it is not only going to be about wedding/ bridal stuff. I make a lot of jokes about the situation. Some might think they’re in bad taste, but I believe there’s great value in laughter, it can turn your outlook from one of despair, anxiety, panic, dread, to one of finding joy and humour even in the little things.

I am also aware, as I make my jokes, that I am not likely to be affected anywhere near as badly as many others have. I have had to drastically alter my wedding plans, that is nothing compared to the pain of the many people who has lost family members, or the pain, fear, and isolation of many more battling pneumonia alone in hospitals. Or even the loneliness and boredom of those who live alone in our society, who are now very alone. These are situations I could not make jokes of. These are tragic, and if this is happening to you, I am sorry. I can’t make this situation any better. I can’t even make you feel any better, but I hope that sharing my experiences, and my bad-taste jokes, will help somebody, even if it’s only myself.