How can I sing the Lord's song in this lockdown?

Greetings reader,
happy resurrection day.
That is, I wish you a happier day than I am having. Today is the anniversary in weeks, or the closest guess we can make to it, of the greatest day in history, the day when Jesus Christ came back from the dead. With His resurrection, the subsequent resurrections of all those who trust in Him were ensured. This day is usually a day of celebration for all Christians. I usually love Easter Sunday. However, I'm really struggling to feel like celebrating.

The last two days of lockdown, day 16 and 17, I have felt like I was slowly starting to loose the sense of peace and joy that I had managed to keep until then. Some disagreements have started within the family about what best to do with the wedding plans, which has further complicated and taxed on my emotions. I was utterly exhausted by the end of yesterday, but this morning I woke at 2.22am and couldn't get back to sleep. Chocolate has turned into something with which to attempt to fill the void within myself. It never makes me any happier.

My church elder has been posting experts from the gospels to our church chat group. Retelling the events of Jesus' crucifixion on Friday, and resurrection this morning. I haven't been engaging with it. At times I have tried, but I can't concentrate. I have an inner sense that I am the one who is depriving myself of the opportunity to worship by holding on to my worries, and not casting them before my Lord to cast my eyes upon Him. I've known that I should do this, but I don't want to. I'm not at all expecting that when I do, this sadness and worry will go away, but I still know it is what I am called to do. Through years of having to deal with anxiety, I have come to theorise that Anxiety is not a sin, for our Lord Jesus Himself, the one who had no sin, showed signs of anxiety over his own death in the garden of gethsemane, but anxiety becomes a sin when the Christian harbours it and refuses to bring it to God. I suppose it is similar with sadness. My Heavenly father wants me to share this sadness with Him. I only hope that I can. But I know He can give me the strength to do it.

This day reminds me that even while I am wallowing in my sorrows, holding on to fear or anger that is uncalled for, even while I am in my sinful state, My Lord Jesus is looking down at me from Heaven, interceding for me. This is a grace which I do not deserve. Oh Lord, How good You are.